Jail Pillows

Prisoner painting his ball and chain.

"Solitary sure ain't what it used to be."

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Shakespeare in the clink

Madoff and devil.

Prison Romance.

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

Prisoner Crossing

Police Lineup Escape

"ll I was doing was following my dream...turns out that contravened the restraining order."

''Willie the Wizard' gets out next week -- get ready to change all the locks.'

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

'This is my third conviction and I'm still not the black sheep of the family.'

'My biggest mistake was to make a 'death-bed confession'... then I made a full recovery!'

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'Ms. Andrews, have there been any important office memos, voice-mails, texts, tweets or IMs during my incarceration?'

'The food's not too bad here. It tastes just like yours and just like yours, it also comes out of a can.'

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

"Carl! I thought I'd find you here."

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'The worst case of insider trading I've ever seen.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

"Maximum security prison"

'Try to think of it as early parole.'

"They found culturally insensitive products in my kitchen."

'You're the one who called for a locksmith?'

'-and which commandment did you break?'

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'

"Why not become a prison officer when you're released, Dobson? We need 2,000 new prison officers; the government's keen to provide employment for ex-offenders plus you know the ropes."

'Well, the joke's on me - it turns out that the King pardoned you twelve years ago!'

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

"You've got a dinner invitation."

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'