Jail Time Gifts

'This is my third conviction and I'm still not the black sheep of the family.'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Shakespeare in the clink

Madoff and devil.

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

Prison Romance.

Prisoner Crossing

Police Lineup Escape

'You can't cash your paychecks until your 6 month probation is satisfactorily over.'

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

Exhibition for Prisoners

"ll I was doing was following my dream...turns out that contravened the restraining order."

"Both the movie and I will be released this summer."

'My biggest mistake was to make a 'death-bed confession'... then I made a full recovery!'

'Ever since we converted the church into a jail, everyone is finding Jesus.'

''Willie the Wizard' gets out next week -- get ready to change all the locks.'

'The food's not too bad here. It tastes just like yours and just like yours, it also comes out of a can.'

'Ms. Andrews, have there been any important office memos, voice-mails, texts, tweets or IMs during my incarceration?'

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'Try to think of it as early parole.'

"Maximum security prison"

'The worst case of insider trading I've ever seen.'

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

'You're the one who called for a locksmith?'

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

"Wanna join my hangouts circle?"

'Well, the joke's on me - it turns out that the King pardoned you twelve years ago!'

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

"You've got a dinner invitation."

"We're so close that we're finishing each other's sentences."

'I was a computer executive -- but I performed an illegal operation and was shut down.'