Prison Gifts

"A life sentence isn't so bad. With good behavior, a poor diet, smoking and lack of exercise, you'll be out in no time."

"Thanks to Kickstarter, we're building a tunnel."

'What are you in for?' - 'Forgery.'

"ll I was doing was following my dream...turns out that contravened the restraining order."

'After cheating death, I naturally assumed I could cheat taxes, too.'

'Sorry - wrong number.'

'I can hear voices...we're nearly free.'

'I'm sorry, but I make it a rule not to date anyone I work with.'

Prisoner painting his ball and chain.

'The Not so Great Escape.'

Do you believe in free love?

Prison Romance.

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

'...And we'll soon have you out of those nasty black clod-hoppers and into some nice comfy slippers.'

'So we hijacked a car, rammed an ATM and they got us when we ran out of money filling the car with petrol.'

'I'll get back to you... I seem to have misplaced your folder...'

'The worst case of insider trading I've ever seen.'

'Forty-eight felony counts have taught me not to try to do everything myself.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'And then the jury decided that I was ready for a long term relationship with the penal code system.'

"Your ass is mine now, bitch!"

'What I did on my summer vacation - by Jimmy Baxter, prisoner number 96401.'

"That's blind loyalty for you."

"I was doing ok before the investigation

"You have to stop doing this. This is the eighth time you've received a life sentence!"

'Yes, you look stunning. Can I put the mirror down now?'

"Aw, thanks, son!"

Have you tried telling that man you don't like it when he shivs you?

"I knew things were bleak, but I didn't realize they were THIS bleak."

'First time inside?'

"When life gives you lemons, make a lemon-rind shiv."

Prisoner giving another prisoner hashmark tattoos on his arm to track days in prison.

Prisoner has a stripy shadow.

'Yeah, I know I said they'd never take me alive -- you call this living?'

'Ever since we converted the church into a jail, everyone is finding Jesus.'