Prisoner Gifts

"A life sentence isn't so bad. With good behavior, a poor diet, smoking and lack of exercise, you'll be out in no time."

"Bad news. They found the proof in the pudding."

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'

'I know your sentence is up, but the locksmith died last year.'

'If you don't mnage to have enough sunshine you should eat more of oily fish, black caviare, eggs and butter.'

'If God has forgiven me, how come I still have to serve my ten years?'

"To be honest, I was little nervous when you insisted on being the one on top."

'The Birdman was not amused by the guard's practical joke.'

Shrink to criminal - 'At what age did you lose your innocence?'

'-and which commandment did you break?'

'He wouldn't stop telling me his whole boring life story. I finally had to end it.'

'My wife says I take all the romance out of our conjugal visits.'

"Oh, the kids have got you a cuttlefish and a little bell."

'Something is bothering you Roger. A wife can tell.'

"We're done here. I'm advising my client not to answer anymore questions."

"Then after my accomplice cheated me, he died of natural causes." "I thought you killed him." "Naturally."

'So you own a fish and chip shop. What are you in for?'

Man getting angry as all other prisoners are either chained together or holding hands

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

'Even you have good in you...if it is only to serve as a bad example.'

'I'm afraid I have some disappointing news, fellows.'

'Is that ALL you can ever talk about - ESCAPING?'

'I am the prison artist in residence, I'm doing time for forgery.'

"I got connections. We'll pull a few strings, get you out of here in no time"

'I have your DNA results.. but finish eating, I don't want to spoil your meal.'

'I wouldn't have gotten caught except for the fact that the police stopped following the law.'

'Sorry your back's bothering you. I'd offer you a massage, but it's a little outside my comfort zone.'

"Try not to upset your new cell mate. He was thrown out of the Mafia for being too violent."

The Great Escape

"I was making big money! Yes, an inch too big."

Prisoners game

"I have to admit that his last wish is a little strange!"

"I took a journey of reflection and self-discovery. Turns out I'm a car-jacker."

"....this is the only place where I can finish a sentence."

Whack-a-mole: prison edition