Prison Officer Gifts

"I'm just here for the dental."

'Heck, no, I'm not thinking of leaving. That said, I do feel it's probably wise to have an exit strategy in place.'

"Well, if it's any consolation, your social media makes it looks like you're absolutely thriving."

'I could only get you a plea bargain of ninety years without parole. But... That's life.'

'My life coach said don't wait for what you want, just take it, so I did and look where it got me.'

'Looks like a full stop to me - you must be getting to the end of your sentence.'

'We're very keen on encouraging inmates to volunteer...for example I can't even REMEMBER the last time I washed my own car!'

"I forget. Is this the punishment or the rehabilitation?"

"If the crime rate goes up, we'll know it wasn't you."

'Oh my lord, they've turned into pillows!'

"For your last meal, don't order Chinese. You'll be hungry again in an hour."

'You've got a very high re-offending rate.'

'I found them on the side of the road, they said they would love to help out our charity drive.'

Prison Art - Bent Screw

Prison Wallpaper.

'I tried to turn my life around, and apparently I made an illegal U-turn.'

'Well, now we know -- blaming the victim DOESN'T work.'

"Thanks to Kickstarter, we're building a tunnel."

"Well you've been misinformed... our harshest punishment is loss of colour T.V for a week."

"They're doing inspections-get the throw pillows in order."

Prison vs Schools.

Having a child who had missed three assemblies wasn't enough to win the respect of the hardmen of prison block 'D'.

'DNA proves I was unjustly convicted. However, I'm guilty of seven other crimes.'

Cell division

"He's been in a marvellous mood ever since he learned one out of every hundred and fifty Americans is in jail."

'I'm sorry, but I make it a rule not to date anyone I work with.'

Exercise Time in Jail

"After the judicial system, I'm my own harshest critic."

'Just make sure you keep to the straight and narrow,old chap!'

'Hey. You're back.'

"Just remember, it's O.K. to be guilty, but it's not O.K. to feel guilty."

"I'm going to have to run you past legal."

'When does the rehab begin?'

"That's doctor inmate #2264."

"Forget about me, kid. I'm going to die in this joint… start a new life." "Cookie…."