Jail Officer Gifts

'The food's not too bad here. It tastes just like yours and just like yours, it also comes out of a can.'

"They found culturally insensitive products in my kitchen."

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"After the judicial system, I'm my own harshest critic."

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

Madoff and devil.

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

Yoga Sequence to Avoid

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

"The truth serum made you say some very hurtful things."

'Apparently my DNA had guilt written all over it.'

Freedom Book.

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

'Are you free at the moment?'

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

Overcrowding's becoming a real problem in our penal system

'Where did I bury the loot? -- I thought you buried the loot!'

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

'Newgate - Exercise Yard'

'These are Martha's Camp Cupcake Muffins - and I've just ordered her new apron from the prison gift shop.'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'Other than the fact that you were a trustee at the county jail, do you have any other character references?'

Prisoner Crossing

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

"From where I'm sitting, ha-ha, you're behind bars!"

Exposed and imprisoned.