Jail Warden Gifts

'The cook did time for manslaughter with a Saturday Night Special. Not the gun, the dinner.'

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

That party went well.

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

'He has a big heart. . . inviting his homeless friends in to stay dry.'

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

Introducing Ambient Books: No beginning...no middle...no end...just a bunch of sentences specially written to soothe and relax the reader.

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

Madoff and devil.

'That's right - a restraining order. You should know mother bears are very protective of their young.'

Overcrowding's becoming a real problem in our penal system

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

'Are you free at the moment?'

Freedom Book.

"The truth serum made you say some very hurtful things."

'Where did I bury the loot? -- I thought you buried the loot!'

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

'Newgate - Exercise Yard'

'Well, now we know -- blaming the victim DOESN'T work.'

"I found out the hard way what a short hop it is from 'Seize the Day' to 'Seize the Money!'"

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

'I'm glad you're making friends, Darrel.'

"From where I'm sitting, ha-ha, you're behind bars!"

Visitation Day at the Bug Jar

Exposed and imprisoned.

'Can I see your license,please?'

'Escape?...Why?'