Night Warden Gifts

A call to save energy, based loosely on the style of second world war posters

That party went well.

'He has a big heart. . . inviting his homeless friends in to stay dry.'

Minority Report

Steven had a sneaky suspicion that the local birds were beginning to rely upon here.

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

Introducing Ambient Books: No beginning...no middle...no end...just a bunch of sentences specially written to soothe and relax the reader.

'That's right - a restraining order. You should know mother bears are very protective of their young.'

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

Overcrowding's becoming a real problem in our penal system

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"I wouldn't have any trouble staying awake. I just came out of hibernation."

'Newgate - Exercise Yard'

"That's classic J.R. . . .a little bit business, a little bit whimsy."

To Get Pardoned by Trump, Become a Celeb

'We didn't have enough money for steel bars, so we just put a bunch of syrup on the wood.'

"From where I'm sitting, ha-ha, you're behind bars!"

Forest rangers prevent forest fires

"I found out the hard way what a short hop it is from 'Seize the Day' to 'Seize the Money!'"

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

'Can I see your license,please?'

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

Crime rates drop 40% after prison uniforms are changed to neon pink floral patterns.

"Now do you believe me that your snoring wakes up the whole neighborhood?"

Cell division

'My school has a very strict detention policy.'

'This is my third conviction and I'm still not the black sheep of the family.'

"Maybe school's a good thing... I mean...where else do hundreds of people with similar backgrounds come together under one roof...all following a daily routine...with guidance and supervision to better themselves and society? Ya know...besides prison?"

"How does it feel to be a fink, Sparky?"

'We're looking for a 'temp' employee to serve time in Leavenworth.'

"I can't say I'm wild about these open prisons."

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

'Don't' Feed the Animals' sign with a saw in it.

"Can i get a transfer from the porcupine enclosure..?