Prison Wardens Gifts

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

That party went well.

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

'He has a big heart. . . inviting his homeless friends in to stay dry.'

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

Minority Report

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"After the judicial system, I'm my own harshest critic."

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

Introducing Ambient Books: No beginning...no middle...no end...just a bunch of sentences specially written to soothe and relax the reader.

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

Madoff and devil.

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

Freedom Book.

Yoga Sequence to Avoid

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

Overcrowding's becoming a real problem in our penal system

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

"The truth serum made you say some very hurtful things."

'Are you free at the moment?'

'Apparently my DNA had guilt written all over it.'

'Where did I bury the loot? -- I thought you buried the loot!'

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

'Newgate - Exercise Yard'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'These are Martha's Camp Cupcake Muffins - and I've just ordered her new apron from the prison gift shop.'

'Other than the fact that you were a trustee at the county jail, do you have any other character references?'