Prison Guards Gifts

'and you promise not to run off, right?'

'If you think he's bad, just wait till they send in the social workers.'

"When I google myself, the only thing that comes up is my arrest record."

Good News

Good News

We're Not Corrupt. We're Stupid.

'Fights have been down 68 percent since we've had them do an hour of river dancing every morning.'

'You're in violation of the dress code, Pendleton!'

HM Scrubways Top Security Chapel.

'Sorry, but none of our entrees are available for takeout.'

Worst escape attempt ever.

'Look at the bright side. You're in a gated community.'

CCTV on torture cage.

"He likes it."

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

Minority Report

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"After the judicial system, I'm my own harshest critic."

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

Night-shift entrance

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

Madoff and devil.

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

"The truth serum made you say some very hurtful things."

'Apparently my DNA had guilt written all over it.'