Fire Warden Gifts

Fire Exit

Forest rangers prevent forest fires

"As you can see, I'm a fully qualified sheep dog with first aid and fire warden certificates. I'll take good care of you..."

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

That party went well.

'He has a big heart. . . inviting his homeless friends in to stay dry.'

Minority Report

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"Who says you can't take it with you? This one has a fireproof lining."

Introducing Ambient Books: No beginning...no middle...no end...just a bunch of sentences specially written to soothe and relax the reader.

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'That's right - a restraining order. You should know mother bears are very protective of their young.'

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

Overcrowding's becoming a real problem in our penal system

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

'That's for false alarms...'

'Newgate - Exercise Yard'

To Get Pardoned by Trump, Become a Celeb

'Wow. The anti-smoking movement really has been successful.'

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

'We didn't have enough money for steel bars, so we just put a bunch of syrup on the wood.'

"From where I'm sitting, ha-ha, you're behind bars!"

"I found out the hard way what a short hop it is from 'Seize the Day' to 'Seize the Money!'"

"The blaze has taken hold on the eight floor Chief. The C.E.O., V.P. and C.O.O. are trapped in the boardroom!!"

'Can I see your license,please?'

"Six fact checkers spontaneously combusting in one election cycle? Yeah, I am starting to see a pattern, Higgins."

Crime rates drop 40% after prison uniforms are changed to neon pink floral patterns.

Cell division

'My school has a very strict detention policy.'

'Sorry dad - it won't happen again,'

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

'We're looking for a 'temp' employee to serve time in Leavenworth.'

"And, little by little, over the next ten minutes, he was able to dig his way to freedom."

'This is my third conviction and I'm still not the black sheep of the family.'