Fire Warden Gifts

Fire Exit

Forest rangers prevent forest fires

"As you can see, I'm a fully qualified sheep dog with first aid and fire warden certificates. I'll take good care of you..."

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

That party went well.

'He has a big heart. . . inviting his homeless friends in to stay dry.'

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

Introducing Ambient Books: No beginning...no middle...no end...just a bunch of sentences specially written to soothe and relax the reader.

"Who says you can't take it with you? This one has a fireproof lining."

'That's right - a restraining order. You should know mother bears are very protective of their young.'

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

Overcrowding's becoming a real problem in our penal system

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

'That's for false alarms...'

'Newgate - Exercise Yard'

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

"I found out the hard way what a short hop it is from 'Seize the Day' to 'Seize the Money!'"

'Wow. The anti-smoking movement really has been successful.'

"The blaze has taken hold on the eight floor Chief. The C.E.O., V.P. and C.O.O. are trapped in the boardroom!!"

'Can I see your license,please?'

'We didn't have enough money for steel bars, so we just put a bunch of syrup on the wood.'

"Six fact checkers spontaneously combusting in one election cycle? Yeah, I am starting to see a pattern, Higgins."

"From where I'm sitting, ha-ha, you're behind bars!"

Crime rates drop 40% after prison uniforms are changed to neon pink floral patterns.

'My school has a very strict detention policy.'

Cell division

'Sorry dad - it won't happen again,'

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

Firemen trying to rescue a monk from a burning monastery

A confinement of convicts

"Maybe school's a good thing... I mean...where else do hundreds of people with similar backgrounds come together under one roof...all following a daily routine...with guidance and supervision to better themselves and society? Ya know...besides prison?"

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

Fire Assembly Point