Jail Staff Gifts

'I am the prison artist in residence, I'm doing time for forgery.'

"That had to be the worst job performance review I've ever had."

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"After the judicial system, I'm my own harshest critic."

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

Madoff and devil.

Freedom Book.

Yoga Sequence to Avoid

"The truth serum made you say some very hurtful things."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'Where did I bury the loot? -- I thought you buried the loot!'

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

'Are you free at the moment?'

'Apparently my DNA had guilt written all over it.'

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'These are Martha's Camp Cupcake Muffins - and I've just ordered her new apron from the prison gift shop.'

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'Other than the fact that you were a trustee at the county jail, do you have any other character references?'

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

Visitation Day at the Bug Jar

Prisoner Trump