Correctional Facility Staff Gifts

Prison masks

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"After the judicial system, I'm my own harshest critic."

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

Madoff and devil.

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

'Are you free at the moment?'

'Where did I bury the loot? -- I thought you buried the loot!'

Yoga Sequence to Avoid

"The truth serum made you say some very hurtful things."

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

Freedom Book.

'Apparently my DNA had guilt written all over it.'

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

Prisoner Crossing

'These are Martha's Camp Cupcake Muffins - and I've just ordered her new apron from the prison gift shop.'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'Other than the fact that you were a trustee at the county jail, do you have any other character references?'

'The chechako sparged rhamnose into his yerba.'

'Escape?...Why?'

Locking Up Crime

'Well, now we know -- blaming the victim DOESN'T work.'

Visitation Day at the Bug Jar

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

"From where I'm sitting, ha-ha, you're behind bars!"