Java Jailer Gifts

Stirrbucks

In/Out/These Things Happen.

The coffee's not working.

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

"Don't talk to me before discover coffee."

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

"How would you feel about inviting my family for Thanksgiving dinner?"

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

'This decaf's lousy.'

Sweet Jailbreak

"Are bringing your new girlfriend to the office party?"

"Carl! I thought I'd find you here."

"It just doesn't seem right. Ever since the new system upgrade nothing is where it used to be!"

'I'm being released on Blu-ray.'

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

'The hard time isn't so bad, but that community service is murder!'

'Sure I do bad things, but I do them in moderation.'

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'

'-and which commandment did you break?'

Free the Downtown Three!

"Why not become a prison officer when you're released, Dobson? We need 2,000 new prison officers; the government's keen to provide employment for ex-offenders plus you know the ropes."

'Now then, Mr. Grumpypants, if we're to get along we'll have to turn that frown upside down...'

Hey, Pluto, I'm not responsible for what a bunch of astronomers come up with!

'Well, the joke's on me - it turns out that the King pardoned you twelve years ago!'

'I never saw a man who looked with such a wistful eye upon that little tent of blue which prisoners call the Sky.'

Parole officer: Hanging in and hanging out.

The Secret Formula in Coffee

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"You've got a dinner invitation."

'I got six months for arson, and ten years for failing to file an environmental impact statement.'

'Looks like the jailhouse rock to me.'

'I'll be with you in a minute Carl. Riley's just showing me how to resize some images to Jpeg.'

"Congratulations. You earned time off for bad behavior."

"Bad news, there's a new app that helps people spell their own names wrong."

Man escaping prisoner via feng shui