Prison Warden Pillows

"Yep! Should have gone with plan 'B'!"

'First of all, I need you to phone around, reassure the investors.'

'You left the annual report meeting early, too, huh?

'I was okay with the library and rec room, but the wall climbing has got me nervous.'

'Thanks, that looks delicious, charge it to my room, would you?'

'We're very keen on encouraging inmates to volunteer...for example I can't even REMEMBER the last time I washed my own car!'

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"This is what happens when ethical standards are set artificially high."

Crime rates drop 40% after prison uniforms are changed to neon pink floral patterns.

'I'm not trying to be responsive to your needs!'

"I was almost like Robin Hood. I took from the rich, but then I kept it."

Cell division

'Newgate - Exercise Yard'

Prisoners complaining during an inspection

HM prisons are all full.

'I've learnt so many new tricks since I've been in here rubbing shoulders with politicians and policemen!!'

'I thought a cake was a bit obvious, so I've emailed the file to you.'

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

'I want to see the prison dentist... you've been giving me too much crusty-bread and not enough water!'

'Think about it -- if you were a politician, would you want more prison space available?'

Dirty Job Christmas

'Eddie, I'm at a private contractor prison. I'll have my people contact your people about buying this joint.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'My school has a very strict detention policy.'

"It's the warden's idea. She thinks it's cute."

'We are no longer called criminals. We're called 'Legally Disadvantaged'.'

"And in here, they're 'cells' not 'cubicles'."

"I'll just have a latte to go, please."

"Ahh...it's nice to get your feet up, now and again!"

"Maximum security prison"

"They made some pretty drastic cuts in our execution budget."

"And, little by little, over the next ten minutes, he was able to dig his way to freedom."

"From where I'm sitting, ha-ha, you're behind bars!"

"Will there be time to stop at the gift shop?"

"It's escapism-as-art."