Prison Warder Pillows

'Apparently, there was a hostile takeover.'

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

That party went well.

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'He has a big heart. . . inviting his homeless friends in to stay dry.'

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"After the judicial system, I'm my own harshest critic."

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

Introducing Ambient Books: No beginning...no middle...no end...just a bunch of sentences specially written to soothe and relax the reader.

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

'That's right - a restraining order. You should know mother bears are very protective of their young.'

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

Madoff and devil.

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

'Apparently my DNA had guilt written all over it.'

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

'Are you free at the moment?'

Yoga Sequence to Avoid

"The truth serum made you say some very hurtful things."

Freedom Book.

Overcrowding's becoming a real problem in our penal system

'Where did I bury the loot? -- I thought you buried the loot!'

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

'These are Martha's Camp Cupcake Muffins - and I've just ordered her new apron from the prison gift shop.'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'Other than the fact that you were a trustee at the county jail, do you have any other character references?'

'Newgate - Exercise Yard'