Prison Theme Humorist Gifts

Convict Ties

'Let's get a kitty.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

"This is why I don't want you doing our taxes anymore."

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

You gonna eat your pickle?

Convict Decor

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

Bullfighter and Bull Cellmates

"I can't continue to be your lawyer if you won't show up at the hearings."

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

Martha bakes with her new friends.

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

'Hey. You're back.'

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

'But I learned a valuable lesson: Before you put out a contract on anyone, be sure to read the fine print.'

'There's a rumour we're all going to be released and forced to join the NFL.'

"Any word on my appeal?"