Primordial Ponderer Gifts

Fish crawls from the primordial soup.

Fish to friend regarding third fish leaving Precambrian ocean: 'There's been no living with him since he started to evolve.'

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

'But what is the universe for?'

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

God Sneezes Out Creation

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

"Admit it, we're lost."

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

Another Theory as to Why Dinosaurs became Extinct.

"What's your favorite planet, Randy?" "There is only one answer, little buddy. There is only one planet full of lush, green forests and beautiful, windswept ocean vista... all of which are natural aphrodisiacs that inspire lovers, philosophers and poets." "You know, Pandora is not a real planet." "I'm talking about Earth, you... Do you ever go outside?"

The Origins of Everything

Pre-Historic Gentleman's Duel

'Your 'marriage' invention sounds good, but what if it leads to a concentration of power for the central government?'

Do you ever wish you lived in a different era, Randy? It's safer to keep me where I am. Injecting my advanced virility into more primitive eras could have disastrous effects on the timeline. Well

"Could you tilt the Earth just a bit more away from the light?"

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

NASA, 'I thought I smelled oxygen!'

So, that's bipedalism? It doesn't look very ergonomic.

"I've been supporting life for billions of years! You'd think they'd be supporting themselves by now!"

A caveman rubs two sticks together and gets a computer.

'We froze him until medical science knows how to cure spear wounds.'

"It's scary that humans are our benchmark for intelligent life in the universe."

"All I'm saying is now is the time to develop the technology to deflect an asteroid."

Unfortunately, napkins hadn't been invented yet, so good ideas were quickly forgotten.

'I know it's hard to believe. But biological speaking, they're our closest relatives.'

'The dawn of woman' - Ape-women dance around giant bar of chocolate.

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"Your wheel idea was a huge hit, so what have you got for me this time?"

'I'm telling you Dad: Walking upright and using tools is the way of the future...'