Primordial Ponderer Pillows

Fish to friend regarding third fish leaving Precambrian ocean: 'There's been no living with him since he started to evolve.'

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

'But what is the universe for?'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

God Sneezes Out Creation

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"Admit it, we're lost."

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

"What's your favorite planet, Randy?" "There is only one answer, little buddy. There is only one planet full of lush, green forests and beautiful, windswept ocean vista... all of which are natural aphrodisiacs that inspire lovers, philosophers and poets." "You know, Pandora is not a real planet." "I'm talking about Earth, you... Do you ever go outside?"

Another Theory as to Why Dinosaurs became Extinct.

The Origins of Everything

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

'Your 'marriage' invention sounds good, but what if it leads to a concentration of power for the central government?'

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

"Could you tilt the Earth just a bit more away from the light?"

Pre-Historic Gentleman's Duel

"It's scary that humans are our benchmark for intelligent life in the universe."

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

A caveman rubs two sticks together and gets a computer.

'We froze him until medical science knows how to cure spear wounds.'

NASA, 'I thought I smelled oxygen!'

"All I'm saying is now is the time to develop the technology to deflect an asteroid."

Unfortunately, napkins hadn't been invented yet, so good ideas were quickly forgotten.

'I know it's hard to believe. But biological speaking, they're our closest relatives.'

"Your wheel idea was a huge hit, so what have you got for me this time?"

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

'I'm telling you Dad: Walking upright and using tools is the way of the future...'

'It was fun to make bujt don't see any possible use for it in the future.'

"Shall we put it in play?"