Pretentious Pet Parent Gifts

"It's David."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

He won't sit, but he heels well.

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"Can you believe he was the last dog at the shelter?"

'Hon, can you fill the dog's water dish?'

'I think I've isolated that funny noise you've been having.'

he used to belong to a cartoonist

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

'Don't be surprised if he throws that life preserver at you. I got him at a rescue shelter.'

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

'I've got it written down...'

Pampered Pets.

Lucky has an 'out-of-potty' experience.

The Most Interesting Dog in the World. . .

"It's only the wind."

'Okay...now watch what happens when I extend my claws.'

'I'm not an indoor cat. I'm a bitter, angry, frustrated, resentful, repressed cat.'

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

'Dogs have more charisma but cats have more electricity.'

'They go on a lot of picnics.'

"Dear God, no! Not her first edition of 'Franny and Zooey'! You've ruined us!!"

Art Pets

Non-working dog, please help

"When you adopt a dog from a rescue centre you never know what bad habits they might have."

Snow cones.

'We really should get him chipped.'

Bad Dog

Teacher's pet. 'For an inner city comprehensive.'

'We're not playing hide and seek. I'm just trying to find Marm to take him to the vet.'

'Heel! HEEL! Bad potato!'

Debug

A British policeman looking for a black cat who is in the hedge behind him.