Pregnancy Survivor Gifts

'Oh, sure, the world gets a savior, and what do I get? Hemorrhoids the size of grapefruits!'

"What to expect when you’re expecting. Newly revised edition."

"...until death do you a favor."

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

"You try staying this this after giving birth two million times."

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

'It's Mrs. O'Hara...the one whose due date was 37 days ago...she's angry.'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

'How many kids do you actually have?'

'Not to worry. Water retention is a common symptom of menopause.'

"Being married to her was the most miserable experience of my life, but I was able to develop a sitcom out of it."

"Go, take the afternoon off, I'll babysit: he'll be safe with me..."

Hormones before and after pregnancy.

Your Dinner Is In The Trout Stream

"I'm letting him soak."

'I seem to have lost the body I had before I had children.'

"Sometimes I feel the only thing keeping us together is our fear of the children."

Triplets

'I think i cried myself inside out!'

"The babysitter wants to know where you keep your vodka?"

'COME BACK..I NEED TO PUT YOU ON!!'

'Muriel had a traumatic experience at a topless beach -- she was sunbathing, and a toddler attacked her.'

"When they say to use protection... this is what you're protecting against."

"If I'd known it would last this long, I'd have settled for the edited highlights."

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

"And a mild sedative for the kid behind me."

"What? It's been ten years. . . She's had six kids for goodness sake. She can't still be the fairest of them all!"

"Allow me to introduce my wife - she's been giving me the silent treatment since 1982."

"Don't you dare ask me again...ARE WE THERE YET??"

'Baby's kicking again.'

'I know the ad said 'temporary,' but when did you say you had your last contraction?'

Parcel service customers love the online shipment tracking!

'He's at the awkward age - out of diapers and into everything else.