Parenthood Survivor Gifts

"Mom, can you open this salami?"

My baby by day vs. my baby by night.

"I have a gruel date with the misery twins."

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

'Oh no, not another 'Bundle of Joy' coming?'

"You're mothers on the war path again"

'Muriel had a traumatic experience at a topless beach -- she was sunbathing, and a toddler attacked her.'

"I hate to tell you this, but I just counted the kids and we're missing one."

"He's been yelling at Baldo all day...and now his throat is red, sore and itchy."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

Baby pram as a tank

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

"...until death do you a favor."

Mr. & Mrs. Stickfigure are expecting twins.

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

Acclaimed mother.

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

Baby Race.

'How many fingers do you see?'

'Don't forget to take your tranquilizers Daddy, little Jimmy is coming round to play.'

"If we synchronize our tantrums, they'll have to stop talking. You in?"

Holiday-Cancelling Headphones

Woman Window Shops For A Baby Book

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

IVF assessment centre.

You can't focus on the cost of raising a child. True. They do have benefits. Mom! The glue spilled into your underwear drawer! Dad! Where's the toilet plunger? Though nothing specific leaps to mind.

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"We've completely child-proofed our home."

Maternity Arrivals

'How many kids do you actually have?'

'Evan, I think your little sister may be trapped in there with you!. . . Jennifer! Are you in there, honey?'

Mother's Whistler.

"Being married to her was the most miserable experience of my life, but I was able to develop a sitcom out of it."

"We discussed a lot of options but decided on a water birth."

Your Dinner Is In The Trout Stream