Fatherhood Survivor Gifts

'Don't forget to take your tranquilizers Daddy, little Jimmy is coming round to play.'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

Batman at the Maternity Ward

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

"...until death do you a favor."

"WHich one is mine?"

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

Woman with kids at husbands office.

The full moon frenzy strikes again."

A baby playing on a grand piano

"I miss the Augean stables."

Growth Charts

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

Examinations.

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

My daddy ate my homework

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"You said mindfulness could help us do well on the test, so I filled it up with as much as I could last night."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"There's an app that helped me finish grades 3 through 7. If you need me, I'll be in my room playing video games for the next few years."

'It's only 6 AM, but I want to send the kids to Wally's house before his mother sends him over here.'

'Will Mr. 'No Comment' please remain after class.'

Biology Revision - Arse / elbow.

"The first day of school. Yes sir. A day to make new friends. A day to mark new beginnings. A day to discover everyone but you has grown three feet over the summer."

'Here comes the Papa-razzi again...'

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

'In this world, son, you've got to learn to push yourself.'

"Deny it all you want. He looks just like you."

I love the way barbecues take you back to nature.

'Wow Dad, I'm growing fast: Soon, my tongue will be as long as yours...'

A man and baby wearing bibs