Parenting Survivors Gifts

"Yes. But before you become king you must learn to go potty..."

"You coming out pretty soon, Mom?"

"The babysitter wants to know where you keep your vodka?"

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

"...until death do you a favor."

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

"Ahh...He's got wind"

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Beware of teething baby.'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'Don't forget to take your tranquilizers Daddy, little Jimmy is coming round to play.'

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

"I'm an expert in crisis management, I've got three daughters!"

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"Go to sleep, or she'll sing it again."

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'