Parenting Survivors Pillows

"Yes. But before you become king you must learn to go potty..."

"You coming out pretty soon, Mom?"

"The babysitter wants to know where you keep your vodka?"

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"...until death do you a favor."

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

"Ahh...He's got wind"

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

That's my daughter, Alayna

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

'Beware of teething baby.'

Buggy with Snowplow.

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'Don't forget to take your tranquilizers Daddy, little Jimmy is coming round to play.'

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

Pinata good bags.

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

"I'm an expert in crisis management, I've got three daughters!"

"Go to sleep, or she'll sing it again."

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'