Teen Parenting Survivor Gifts

'Oh no, mine aren't deaf. They're teenagers.'

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

'One advantage of living through the plagues and wars of the 14th century was that you didn't have to study Chaucer.'

'Oh my Gawd! He's a weed!'

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

'How many kids do you actually have?'

"You just wait tilll your father gets home!!"

Ringtones Kids Can't Hear.

Curious George, Dad

"Go, take the afternoon off, I'll babysit: he'll be safe with me..."

'It's all right with me if you go out, but you'll have to file a flight plan with your father.'

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

'The fifth rule of parenting. . . cross that bridge when you come to it.'

"Uh, officer, actually I wasn't going to report my stolen credit card...."

"I'm letting him soak."

"Sometimes I feel the only thing keeping us together is our fear of the children."

"It took some figuring, but I think I figured out how to handle a temperamental teenager."

"The babysitter wants to know where you keep your vodka?"

May 2004: Crack of 4:00 AM / May 2020: Crack of 4:00 PM

"Can't you keep your parenting to yourselves?"

"It's so nice out, we decided to let our phones play outside."

The swamp of adolescence

'Adolescents act like babies when they aren't treated like adults!'

'I think i cried myself inside out!'

"Our little girl is growing up - this very morning she told me she hates me."

'I hope to raise enough money to buy my own house and move out at sixteen!'

The surrendered mom

"And a mild sedative for the kid behind me."

"When they say to use protection... this is what you're protecting against."

'Honey, before you go out tonight, I would like to have a little chat with the prince of darkness.'