Teenage Parent Challenges Gifts

Mom: 'Do I have to repeat myself again, again & again? girl: 'yes, yes, & yes!'

Suffering from Cooties?

Human Behavior Institute. Out Experiencing Lunch.

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Of course I put my kids first! Look at how much I pay the nanny!!'

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

"Having a cat will prepare us for having a teenager one day."

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

"Yeah, he's very like his father isn't he?"

'We've created a teenager!'

"My name is Van Gelsing, Madame. I'm an expert in cleaning teenagers' rooms. If you need me, just give me a call, okay?"

'One advantage of living through the plagues and wars of the 14th century was that you didn't have to study Chaucer.'

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

'Oh my Gawd! He's a weed!'

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

"You just wait tilll your father gets home!!"

Ringtones Kids Can't Hear.

'Sorry dad - it won't happen again,'

"Maybe if your creativity had fewer outlets, it would come out of you with more force."

'You've failed to reach your performance targets,we'll have to let you go.'

'The fifth rule of parenting. . . cross that bridge when you come to it.'

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

"I'm sorry madam but we don't make them go missing."

You've got to help me, Em. Sure. My mom's hot on this strict, Chinese-style parenting. Welcome to my world. Tell her that your parents aren't pushing you to be a doctor. Sure. They gave up on that. They'll settle for Harvard law school. That's too much information.

Daughter/psychiatrist

"Uh, officer, actually I wasn't going to report my stolen credit card...."

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

We're very disappointed. We thought the nanny had raised you better than this.

Curious George, Dad

'Sleeping like a baby'

Parenting Wonks

"It took some figuring, but I think I figured out how to handle a temperamental teenager."

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

Pop in the 3rd movie. I used to like Kevin Costner. Brew the 5th pot of coffee. Fair trade: sleep for caffeine. Take turns as sentry. Do not ring. Do not ring. Do not ring