Parent To Teen Gifts

The swamp of adolescence

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"I didn't know you could do worse than an F. When did they start handing out poop emojis?"

'Any stunt driving experience other than teaching three teen-agers to drive?'

'One advantage of living through the plagues and wars of the 14th century was that you didn't have to study Chaucer.'

'Oh my Gawd! He's a weed!'

Curious George, Dad

"Uh, officer, actually I wasn't going to report my stolen credit card...."

'The fifth rule of parenting. . . cross that bridge when you come to it.'

'It's all right with me if you go out, but you'll have to file a flight plan with your father.'

"Lately, I've begun to understand - and forgive - my parents."

May 2004: Crack of 4:00 AM / May 2020: Crack of 4:00 PM

Pop in the 3rd movie. I used to like Kevin Costner. Brew the 5th pot of coffee. Fair trade: sleep for caffeine. Take turns as sentry. Do not ring. Do not ring. Do not ring

"Can't you keep your parenting to yourselves?"

"Our little girl is growing up - this very morning she told me she hates me."

Teaching kids to count is fine - teaching kids what counts is best.

'I hope to raise enough money to buy my own house and move out at sixteen!'

The surrendered mom

'Honey, before you go out tonight, I would like to have a little chat with the prince of darkness.'

"My daughter is really mad at me because I violated her privacy with an ill-considered question and didn't take into account that she's not a little kid any more..."

"Megan is at that age where she's embarrassed to be seen shopping with her mother."

"Maybe we should send her to finishing school!"

Mom: 'Do I have to repeat myself again, again & again? girl: 'yes, yes, & yes!'

"Dad, let me explain it in a way that you can understand: Followers and Likes on my social media are like stocks on my emotional Wall Street."

"It's about time we had a little talk about your attitude, young man!"

Why do I have to talk to Teddy? Because I talked to Twig about the facts of life. I was quite effective, too! How do you know? It's obvious. She's 15 and not pregnant! The fact she doesn't have a boyfriend might be even more effective.

"Can I can go to a party?"

Assisted living on West 84th Street

'In order to cut down disruption in my class I've asked my students not to wear any gang, club, team, or group colours, insignias, patches, etc.'

'Are you going to be long in there? ...And have you seen my electric guitar?'

"For the life of me, I can't get them to do anything else."

I'm sick. I can't go to school. No fever. No cough. No day off. Easy, mom. Some girls are hounding her for liking Ryan Beardsley. Oh, honey! Why didn't you tell me that

"Get off that couch, young man. You're not going to find a job watching TV."

"I've hidden all the emergency chocolate in the fruit bowl, it'll be quite safe there."