Father To Teen Gifts

'It's all right with me if you go out, but you'll have to file a flight plan with your father.'

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

'Mom, Dad just got a nibble.'

"It's called, 'Goth'."

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

'This program is geared towards the youth market. You give it up to five commands and it closes down in a huff!'

'This is suppose to be progress.'

Remote controlled car on a boat.

Another Time Travel Pair o' Ducks.

'More hair than brains.'

"How was prom?"

"Sorry I'm late: my parents insisted I wear protection on our first date, so I stopped to buy a flea-collar..."

Son, you'll never be quick on the draw unless you pull your dang pants up.

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

'His dad was!'

'I'm not lazy - just resting before I get tired...'

Dating The Daughter Of A Hockey Goalie

The end of innocence

'Oh my Gawd! He's a weed!'

'One advantage of living through the plagues and wars of the 14th century was that you didn't have to study Chaucer.'

'Any stunt driving experience other than teaching three teen-agers to drive?'

'You dirty rat!'

"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"

"Okay, there's one thing I like about school starting. I have a girlfriend this year."

'At least hanging around street corners reminds us we're at a crossroads in our lives.'

"So what happened between you and Estella?"

"That was a great kiss, Joey...but can I have my gum back please?"

"If they fit, we can return them."

'Why do I have the felling that your parents don't trust me?'

'Using live bait, I see.'

Biblical Teenager

'By the time I was your age , I'd already run away from home TWICE!'

"Uh, officer, actually I wasn't going to report my stolen credit card...."