Parenting Survivalists Gifts

"It's my weekend with the kids."

'Your son's plagiarism could be excused by the stress of your recently deceased father and fresh divorce, but my mark of zero could also be excused by the stress of my deceased father and fresh divorce.'

'I'm experiencing parental difficulties, please stand by.'

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

Desert Island Meals.

'Thank-you God.'

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

Problem Solving: Man rows desert island to land.

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

'Arf! Arf!'

"Ahh...He's got wind"

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"Where are redactions when you need them?"

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . ."

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

'I'm reporting you to the Department of Education!'

"Yes, I'm sure of my 3 wishes - I wish I had a pen, I wish I had paper to write a 'rescue me' note, and I wish I had a bottle to send it in"

'I know Lazarus software retrieves lost data, but I don't think it helps when your dog eats your homework.'

'I'm glad to see you've started building a boat.'

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

Bob liked a challenge, and the shipwreck gave him something to get his teeth into.

'Remember, son, don't believe any thing you hear and only half of what you see.'

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."

Prepper Dog

Santa Claus delivers present to man stranded on desert island.

'On the other hand, if I never finish anything I can't be a complete failure...'

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

'Do you have to be so melodramatic?'

'Straying from the subject, Danny, is not distance learning.'

Doug reasoned that things could be worse...but just how much worse...he wasn't sure??