Fatherhood Survivor Pillows

'Don't forget to take your tranquilizers Daddy, little Jimmy is coming round to play.'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

Batman at the Maternity Ward

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

"...until death do you a favor."

Woman with kids at husbands office.

A baby playing on a grand piano

The full moon frenzy strikes again."

Growth Charts

"I miss the Augean stables."

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

Examinations.

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"There's an app that helped me finish grades 3 through 7. If you need me, I'll be in my room playing video games for the next few years."

'It's only 6 AM, but I want to send the kids to Wally's house before his mother sends him over here.'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

My daddy ate my homework

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

"You said mindfulness could help us do well on the test, so I filled it up with as much as I could last night."

'Will Mr. 'No Comment' please remain after class.'

Biology Revision - Arse / elbow.

"The first day of school. Yes sir. A day to make new friends. A day to mark new beginnings. A day to discover everyone but you has grown three feet over the summer."

'Here comes the Papa-razzi again...'

I love the way barbecues take you back to nature.

"He looks so much like his dad."

"Deny it all you want. He looks just like you."

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

"Mommy! Mommy! Daddy lost!"

"Car accident? No, I volunteered to hold the rope for the pinata at my son's birthday party!"