Puberty Survivor Gifts

Windscreen wiper on mirror to clean mess from youth squeezing spots

Mozart's First Movement - Baby Mozart is sitting on the potty.

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

"If nothing else, school has prepared me for a lifetime of backpacking."

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

'How many kids do you actually have?'

'Not to worry. Water retention is a common symptom of menopause.'

'What did you learn at university today?'

"I'm letting him soak."

Academia Can Kill By Degrees

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

"Go, take the afternoon off, I'll babysit: he'll be safe with me..."

"Sometimes I feel the only thing keeping us together is our fear of the children."

Magicians make terrible roommates. 'Did you clean or just make everything disappear?' 'Where's my keys?!' 'You know I have an early class!'

'Muriel had a traumatic experience at a topless beach -- she was sunbathing, and a toddler attacked her.'

"God it was rough coming into the office this morning after the awards ceremony" "It must have been, you work two doors down"

"Boy, will I be glad when the weekend gets here!"

"And a mild sedative for the kid behind me."

"Just think, your student loan may outlive you."

"When they say to use protection... this is what you're protecting against."

Even medical students sometimes have to repeat a year.

"New Year's Eve just isn't the same anymore!"

Get Your Head Out Of Your Phone

"I hate to tell you this, but I just counted the kids and we're missing one."

'He's at the awkward age - out of diapers and into everything else.

'I'm celebrating, I came from my teenagers birthday party and survived,'

'If you didn't have a hangover you'd have one now...!!'

"And this is my boy, Chris – the gift that keeps on taking."

"Don't worry, son. You're just at that awkward age."

Is my old room ready? It will be nice to take a few years off and rest up!'

'It's a bad combination, global warming and hot flashes.'

My baby by day vs. my baby by night.