Teen Angst Survivor Gifts

"Thanks for straightening out his teeth.Now, can you do anything about his hunch?'

The Teen Years of A Red Delicious.

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

Marilyn Manson Fan.

'But Mom, can't I just skip puberty and go straight to mid-life crisis?'

"Sure I'm Alfred the Great now, but in high school I couldn't get a date."

"Nicole, Kyle, would you guys burn my yearbook?"

'Teachers' Dreams.' 'Young man, either you remove your hand from under her sweater or I will remove it your arm.'

Gotta babysit. Too bad! Tap tap. The worst part is the first! Subduing little monsters? Tap tap. No

'I think I'm beginning to understand what sex is all about.'

Girl to other re: Drama Class: 'Is that where all the girls gossip and fight over guys?'

'Dad, will you tell me about the prat falls of dating?'

Playing The Youth Card

"I kept dropping my phone and cracking the screen. So, my parents bought me a thicker cover."

Teenager sitting at desk with in/out tray which read:'I want' and 'Not fair'

"A banana Grace left in my room four weeks ago."

"I don't understand how all the girls grew taller over the summer!"

"Baldo, I'm sorry! Tia Carmen's friend Maria left this book here by accident. Silly me, I thought it was yours! Ha ha ha!"

'Billy Cargill doesn't have any facebook friends. He's a loner.'

Kindly readers, we are currently exploring a sensitive aspect of modern dating: The unrequited cellphone message. Two hours ago, Rudy left such a message for his girlfriend, Laurel, and she has yet to call him back. In another era, this would not necessarily be cause for concern. But with portable phones, some believe a delayed response might be a message of its own. She almost certainly left me for Larry Kudlow. Or her battery's out.

'Of course I bailed you out - you've got soccer tonight.'

"Woke up late this afternoon, I've got the teenage blues…"

"Don't mess with him - he's a hard bastard. . . !"

That's when I decided why should I care

'Sure he's cute, smart and athletic. But my parents would approve of him and that wouldn't work for me.'

'I don't have a bad attitude! I can't help it if everything sucks!'

Rebel without a pause...and another ting I'm not going to put up with blah!blah!blah!

'You have a zit where?'

'Good news Mom. I got into the college of your choice.'

My mom keeps trying to talk to me about sex. So awkward! Poor you. She's totally afraid I'm going to "get into trouble"! Funny. My mom doesn't worry at all. She's so cool. I'm not allowed to date until I pass the bar exam.

'It's not fair!'

'Whoa, you look so cool right now.'

"Baldo, what would you do if there was a girl who never left you alone?"

'Hello Childline... my parents just don't rock.'

There's only one way to test out the sex-ed theories. Uh-oh. I need a date with Ryan Beardsley. Twig? He's not on the curriculum. True, but