University Life Survivor Gifts

Someone is Out There Watching.

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Evil Exams!

'I know the answer. I just need a moment to come to grips with it.'

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

'I wasted a lot of time in graduate school to get this job.'

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

'I got a good place in my exams today. Right next to the radiator.'

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

"If nothing else, school has prepared me for a lifetime of backpacking."

'First semester, you learn the numbers. Second semester, you use them to count the days 'til school is out.'

"Well, my IQ is 180--and that's in Centigrade, not Fahrenheit."

"Homework! Homework! Homework! I'll be doing this for hours! Talk about a misspent youth."

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

"Have you heard? This year they want us to be tenaciously scholastic even in the bathroom."

Academia Can Kill By Degrees

'What did you learn at university today?'

Publish and Be Damned

"Boy, will I be glad when the weekend gets here!"

Magicians make terrible roommates. 'Did you clean or just make everything disappear?' 'Where's my keys?!' 'You know I have an early class!'

"Just think, your student loan may outlive you."

Even medical students sometimes have to repeat a year.

"Our foundation covers up just about anything ??" aside from childhood trauma."

"I figure that by the time I’m 62, I’ll have no student-loan debt, then, who knows – maybe start a family."

School: How stressed were you today.

Is my old room ready? It will be nice to take a few years off and rest up!'

'It's outrageous - they don't want to be proper students like us at all - they come here to work!'

Grabbed By Gorilla

Beat Me, Kick Me, Make Me Do Story Problems.

Fresher Flu.

'I never thought Ms. Wilson would use the letters of the alphabet against me.'

Dave learns that he will have to take 'Reduncancy 101' again next semester.

'And now a message from Indiana University President Myles Brand.'

'I like that we stress sports as much as academics, but I wish they wouldn't dump Gator-ade on me after getting A's.'