Student Lifestyle Survivor Gifts

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Evil Exams!

'I know the answer. I just need a moment to come to grips with it.'

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

'I got a good place in my exams today. Right next to the radiator.'

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

"If nothing else, school has prepared me for a lifetime of backpacking."

'First semester, you learn the numbers. Second semester, you use them to count the days 'til school is out.'

"Homework! Homework! Homework! I'll be doing this for hours! Talk about a misspent youth."

"I need a gap year."

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

'Dude, you gotta lay off the Mac n' Cheese!'

"Term paper?! How do we do that? We haven't done a term paper all year!"

Milestone in a college student's life: 'Hey! I just got my first collection agency letter, dunning me for my credit card debt!'

Academia Can Kill By Degrees

'What did you learn at university today?'

"Have you heard? This year they want us to be tenaciously scholastic even in the bathroom."

Publish and Be Damned

School girl taking an exam labelled OMG Level.

'Cute girl from philosophy. . . BBQ at Dave's. I wonder if she's going?. . . Flat meeting to talk about me not doing my share.'

Magicians make terrible roommates. 'Did you clean or just make everything disappear?' 'Where's my keys?!' 'You know I have an early class!'

"Boy, will I be glad when the weekend gets here!"

"I can't believe it's another day closer to the end of school. This is the saddest time of the year. At least until tomorrow...then that will be the saddest time of the year."

The Medical Student

"Of course I'm going to use the money to buy booze. I'm celebrating paying off my student loans."

"Just think, your student loan may outlive you."

Even medical students sometimes have to repeat a year.

"Two non-fat lattes and a decaf flat white, please."

School: How stressed were you today.

'You should have read the cookery book for teenagers. It's pretty short: 'Take the food off the package before you microwave it'.'

'I've been offered a week under the viaduct and three nights in a pizza hut doorway, after which I get my own cardboard box.'