Potluck Hero Gifts

"You know, Mark, your tabouli salad makes us look bad."

A Good Batch.

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

Best Before 5th Pint.

Church Basement Foodie

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"By 'dress down day', most of us mean not wearing a jacket!"

"Try this new IPA I just finished. Let me know if the malts and hops are layered like last week's batch." "Bailey was a really 'good boy'."

'The way I see it, drinking is its own reward.'

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

"Hey! Hey! I could gopher another lemon drop over here, please and thank you."

Midwest Winter Items.

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

Hot pot

Businessman at a bar mad to look like desk. Bartender says: 'The usual, Mr. B?'

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

Join me in a Caiprinha!

"It's a full moon somewhere."

"All good things must come to an end...unless I use both of my giant-size super-pots."

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

'Get the theatre ready we got another one from the cocktail bar.'

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

'It was a lot more congenial when we had happy hour.'

Pints of Lager