Potluck Hero Pillows

"You know, Mark, your tabouli salad makes us look bad."

A Good Batch.

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

Best Before 5th Pint.

Ask not for whom happy hour ends. It ends for thee.

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

Church Basement Foodie

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"By 'dress down day', most of us mean not wearing a jacket!"

'The way I see it, drinking is its own reward.'

"Try this new IPA I just finished. Let me know if the malts and hops are layered like last week's batch." "Bailey was a really 'good boy'."

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

Midwest Winter Items.

"Hey! Hey! I could gopher another lemon drop over here, please and thank you."

Hot pot

Businessman at a bar mad to look like desk. Bartender says: 'The usual, Mr. B?'

Join me in a Caiprinha!

A bar selling 'crafty' beer is more popular than a bar selling 'craft' beer.

"It's a full moon somewhere."

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

"All good things must come to an end...unless I use both of my giant-size super-pots."

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

"It takes me only one drink to get drunk. Its either the seventh or eighth."

Pints of Lager

'Get the theatre ready we got another one from the cocktail bar.'