Potato Salad Fan Gifts

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Menu Dating

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

bird interprets modern art

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Gramma's Tators & Gravy...All You Can Eat!

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

Non-Humble Pie.

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

Stupid Microwave

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

". . . yes, sir, folks . . . and furthermore, folks . . . for real quality, folks . . . yes, sir, folks . . ."

"When Ed suggested 5 potato, 6 potato, 7 potato more, I suggested a vasectomy."

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

'Diet considerations.'

Couch Potatoes

"I just explained 'kugel' to him."

"Cut down on the pumpkin spice."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"We're actually going to grow potatoes on Mars!"

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

"If you're ever granted three wishes, don't blow them all on a giant body with tiny arms legs."

'Peel, Spot! Peel!'

I knew from the starch we were a perfect mash.

The famous Walled-off salad.

Empty landscape containing food and stationery.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

Mash-Test Dummies.

"You have such beautiful eyes."