Potato Salad Fan Prints

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Menu Dating

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

bird interprets modern art

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Gramma's Tators & Gravy...All You Can Eat!

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

Non-Humble Pie.

Stupid Microwave

"When Ed suggested 5 potato, 6 potato, 7 potato more, I suggested a vasectomy."

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

". . . yes, sir, folks . . . and furthermore, folks . . . for real quality, folks . . . yes, sir, folks . . ."

'Diet considerations.'

Couch Potatoes

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"Cut down on the pumpkin spice."

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

"I just explained 'kugel' to him."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"We're actually going to grow potatoes on Mars!"

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

Mash-Test Dummies.

Empty landscape containing food and stationery.

The famous Walled-off salad.

I knew from the starch we were a perfect mash.

"If you're ever granted three wishes, don't blow them all on a giant body with tiny arms legs."

'Peel, Spot! Peel!'

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

"You have such beautiful eyes."

'Potatoes. How many would I need to make a bottle of vodka?'