Postpartum Journey Gifts

''D' is for 'Despair'; 'E' is for 'Exhaustion'.'

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

'It's the only way I was able to lose those last 10 pounds after Jason was born.'

'My obstetrician recommended I nurture it in the interest of science.'

'Aww, cheer up. You'll be through postpartum depression and into the empty nest syndrome before you know it!'

"Cheer up. You'll be through postpartum depression and into empty nest elation before you know it!"

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

"I'm so good at this!"

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

"Bless, Poppy's first tweet!"

'This is not fair, mom. . . none of my friends is forced to hibernate before December.'

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"You try staying this this after giving birth two million times."

Preparing for a new arrival

'Hold it!'

Doctor has the taste for patients urine samples.

Biological Alarm Clock.

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

"Why are you special? Because I'm your mommy, and I'm special."

Please take a number.

Waiting Room

Obstetrics.

'At this rate nine months is going to take forever.'

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

'How far along are you?'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I'll never watch Alien again!!

'We can't win. Mum keeps telling us to play quietly, and when we do, she thinks we're up to something!'

"Your baby is fine, but we're keeping her overnight as a precaution. Here's a loaner."

"That's my baby brother? Then why'd you eat him?"

"We discussed a lot of options but decided on a water birth."

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers