Postpartum Phase Gifts

'Cheer up. You'll be through postpartum depression and into empty nest elation before you know it!'

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

Marriage least expected to last...

'Shhh... It's babies app time.'

So … you do a lot of yoga?

Day one, post grad

'My obstetrician recommended I nurture it in the interest of science.'

'It doesn't take much to please him these days.'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"You try staying this this after giving birth two million times."

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

The post-menopause luncheon's unintentional comedy act.

'It's the only way I was able to lose those last 10 pounds after Jason was born.'

"Ciiiiiilaaaantrooooo."

"Yeah, I've noticed it too: Young Master's smell has changed a lot since he's become a teenager..."

"Remember, Kimberly, I'm more than your agent. I'm your mother."

''D' is for 'Despair'; 'E' is for 'Exhaustion'.'

When avocados go soft

"A guy in 'recovery' wants to buy your slippers."

'I've got SO much on my plate right now, Steve - Ask me again when I'm fifty.'

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

'I seem to have lost the body I had before I had children.'

'I'm struggling with Empty Pouch Syndrome.'

Mums at play group.

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'

"Cheer up. You'll be through postpartum depression and into empty nest elation before you know it!"

'We believe in resolving a problem as soon as it arises.'

"You could say that. I had a D-section."

"What? It's been ten years. . . She's had six kids for goodness sake. She can't still be the fairest of them all!"

"Do you realise how long I've been waiting for you?"

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"

'Post-maternity wear.'

"Nintey-six kids? Well, you look amazing."

'I love what you have done with the place since the divorce.'

'Aww, cheer up. You'll be through postpartum depression and into the empty nest syndrome before you know it!'