Postpartum Discussion Gifts

Mums at play group.

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

'My obstetrician recommended I nurture it in the interest of science.'

"You try staying this this after giving birth two million times."

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

"...some of these tadpoles may not be yours."

''D' is for 'Despair'; 'E' is for 'Exhaustion'.'

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

"What would I suggest for a woman who has everything...a prenup!"

'...I really wish you would of told me you wanted to be a ballerina before we got married.'

'Cheer up. You'll be through postpartum depression and into empty nest elation before you know it!'

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'

"What? It's been ten years. . . She's had six kids for goodness sake. She can't still be the fairest of them all!"

"Cheer up. You'll be through postpartum depression and into empty nest elation before you know it!"

There's no way I'm ready for kids

"You could say that. I had a D-section."

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"

'Post-maternity wear.'

Bento XVI.

"Mommy and Daddy are arguing again."

"Nintey-six kids? Well, you look amazing."

'The trouble with marriage is the unintended consequences.'

'Mom, did I come preassembled or did you and dad have to put me together?'

"O.K., but if we get married, will you pretty much do everything?"

'Still five months to go....what a time to discover I suffer from claustrophobia.'

"My mother warned me about marrying a poltergeist... I don't know what possessed me!"

'I guess that's the deal. You get out of shape so I can get into shape.'

'Aww, cheer up. You'll be through postpartum depression and into the empty nest syndrome before you know it!'

"Your postpartum depression can be traced to 'selling low' in your sock portfolio."

"Michael, you can’t be a ‘stay-at-home dad’ if we don’t have children!"

'When it comes to marriage, I'm a failure - but I'm very good at honeymoons!'

I'm amazed how quickly I returned to my normal shape after the birth.

'The right wing is a little uncomfortable. I was a Democrat.'

"It horrifies me that someone can give birth to a venom-spewing demon spawn and look so fabulous six weeks later."