Paternity Discussion Gifts

"...some of these tadpoles may not be yours."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

Contest of wills.

"Keep my fingers crossed! Is that it?"

"You need to stop pressing the snooze button on your biological clock."

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

Biological Alarm Clock.

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

'And now we come to the sore losers...'

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

Family Money - "I've been working on your family tree!"

'It seems in the case of the late Little Miss Tuffet, where there's a will there's a whey.'

'You should have used contraceptives -- I'm afraid your lucky socks didn't work.'

'Your biological clock is on daylight savings.'

"What do you mean you don't think I'm the father?!"

"So which bit do you think was 'nature' and which 'nurture'?"

"Did you ever have that baby you wanted so much?"

'And to my no good nephew Milo, who thought he was going to get all my cash - lots of luck!'

"We can't decide whether to buy a dog, or have a child. . ."

"When I'm gone all this will be yours son...but I'll be bankrupt by then so you'll probably get nothing!"

"With the world such a crazy mess, Condy and I decided we don't want children."

'...Mom said i can have it!' 'No way! She promised I get the painting!'

"Daddy, which group of economists did you support during the recession?"

"We should decide now whose career will suffer more once I give birth."

'You should have used contraceptives -- I'm afraid your lucky socks didn't work.'

There's no way I'm ready for kids

'If I wanted to hear the patter of tiny feet, I'd put shoes on the cat!'

'Well, dear, if we did start a family, we could have tech support in 10 years.'

"Maybe we should just go ahead and have a kid."

"Sorry son, but I've spent your inheritance fighting inheritance tax."