Family Discussion Gifts

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"Keep my fingers crossed! Is that it?"

"When I grow up, I want to impeach a president."

"...some of these tadpoles may not be yours."

"Nonsense - we're far less religious than you are."

"Who had pink eyes, long ears, a cute little cotton tail and brings baskets of eggs on Easter morning?"

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

"Although the estate will be distributed equally, your father wanted you all to know that Keith was his favorite, followed by..."

'All those in favor of getting a canary?'

'You should have used contraceptives -- I'm afraid your lucky socks didn't work.'

"So which bit do you think was 'nature' and which 'nurture'?"

"One day, assuming that I don't flip out and massacre everyone down at the mortgage bank that's foreclosing on us, all this will be yours."

'I'm running away from home.'

"Daddy, which group of economists did you support during the recession?"

"Jack and Nina's concern grew when their son, James, confided in them that his imaginary friend was, in fact, a short-tempered snapping turtle."

'Well, dear, if we did start a family, we could have tech support in 10 years.'

'You should have used contraceptives -- I'm afraid your lucky socks didn't work.'

"We should decide now whose career will suffer more once I give birth."

"I'm not sure about children, but I've always wanted progeny."

"I won't have kids until gay men are able to give birth in every state."

It's time again for my 'State-of-the-family' address.

"I have a healthy skepticism of what's reported to me as 'fact'."

"Mommy and Daddy are arguing again."

"Your sobrino sure sounds happy...all because he kissed a girl?"

'What kinda nuts are we, Dad, rightwing or left?'

'Mom, did I come preassembled or did you and dad have to put me together?'

"Baldo, a young man like you might have a lot of questions...about feelings, emotions...not knowing what is right and wrong. Remember, mi'jo...I'm here if you need me."

"Dad, how much does it cost to get married?" "I don't know, son. But it's less than a divorce."

"Must you tell us what our daily share of the national debt is every time we sit down to dinner?"

"When I was your age, I was fifteen."

"Michael, you can’t be a ‘stay-at-home dad’ if we don’t have children!"

'My parents had the decency to die at the right age!'

"So, it's back to school! I remember when I was your age."