Family Debater Gifts

"I have 100 signatures for my online petition 'East Dessert First.'"

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"When I grow up, I want to impeach a president."

"Who had pink eyes, long ears, a cute little cotton tail and brings baskets of eggs on Easter morning?"

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

"So which bit do you think was 'nature' and which 'nurture'?"

'What do you mean, it's good for me and I'll like it? That sounds like a contradiction in terms.'

'I'm running away from home.'

"You know, if lima beans, cauliflower and broccoli tasted like candy and ice cream, we wouldn't have to go through this every night!"

"I love the way you make me rethink my commitment to family values."

Marry one wife, get another one free - 'It's our new incentive for marriage.'

"Jack and Nina's concern grew when their son, James, confided in them that his imaginary friend was, in fact, a short-tempered snapping turtle."

"Daddy, which group of economists did you support during the recession?"

You Must Be This Tall - To Have An Opinion

"I invited my friends over so we can see how much your generation is leaving us to pay off!"

'As an atheist, are you not even a little worried about suffering God's wrath?'

It's time again for my 'State-of-the-family' address.

War Games

'My parents had the decency to die at the right age!'

"Must you tell us what our daily share of the national debt is every time we sit down to dinner?"

"So, it's back to school! I remember when I was your age."

"Daddy, what did you do during the Coronavirus?"

"Spare me the commentary."

'I understand all about sex, Dad...But what good is it?'

'Write all the angry clogs you want - you still have to eat your green beans.'

"We're giving her my name and his name, but we're not going to hyphenate."