Family Debater Gifts

"I have 100 signatures for my online petition 'East Dessert First.'"

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"This'll show the Theology Department."

"When I grow up, I want to impeach a president."

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

"Who had pink eyes, long ears, a cute little cotton tail and brings baskets of eggs on Easter morning?"

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

"So which bit do you think was 'nature' and which 'nurture'?"

'What do you mean, it's good for me and I'll like it? That sounds like a contradiction in terms.'

"You know, if lima beans, cauliflower and broccoli tasted like candy and ice cream, we wouldn't have to go through this every night!"

'I'm running away from home.'

"Daddy, which group of economists did you support during the recession?"

"Jack and Nina's concern grew when their son, James, confided in them that his imaginary friend was, in fact, a short-tempered snapping turtle."

"I love the way you make me rethink my commitment to family values."

Marry one wife, get another one free - 'It's our new incentive for marriage.'

You Must Be This Tall - To Have An Opinion

It's time again for my 'State-of-the-family' address.

'As an atheist, are you not even a little worried about suffering God's wrath?'

"I invited my friends over so we can see how much your generation is leaving us to pay off!"

'What proof do we have there is a DOG?'

'My parents had the decency to die at the right age!'

The Electoral Trolley Problem

The Miracle of the Tornado

"Must you tell us what our daily share of the national debt is every time we sit down to dinner?"

War Games

As you know by now know, we received dozens of replies to our request for suggestions to rename Rudy Park's generation. Today, we announce the third-place runners-up. That selection goes to a handful of readers who deemed Rudy's peer group Generation E for entitlement or entitled. Thoughts? I thought he E referred to easy to saddle with the deficit, you cheapskate curmudgeons! What do you think of that?! Solid retort. But we though enough to give it third place. Tomorrow: Our runners-up are anno

I hear you're an atheist now. It's the thing to be. What about me? What about you? I have the power to destroy you. So. I am your god! Rethinking position.

"So, it's back to school! I remember when I was your age."

"Spare me the commentary."

'I understand all about sex, Dad...But what good is it?'

"We're giving her my name and his name, but we're not going to hyphenate."

"Daddy, what did you do during the Coronavirus?"