Family Dialogue Debater Gifts

"Spare me the commentary."

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"When I grow up, I want to impeach a president."

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

"So which bit do you think was 'nature' and which 'nurture'?"

'I'm running away from home.'

"You know, if lima beans, cauliflower and broccoli tasted like candy and ice cream, we wouldn't have to go through this every night!"

"The nomenclature of 'political correctness' is devisive and opens the profession to ridicule!"

"Daddy, which group of economists did you support during the recession?"

"Jack and Nina's concern grew when their son, James, confided in them that his imaginary friend was, in fact, a short-tempered snapping turtle."

"You've been avoiding me." "Have not, Uncle Mort." "For weeks, you've been dashing out of rooms as soon as I entered." "Coincidence." "What about when I knocked on your door yesterday and you jumped out the back window?" "Look, Uncle Mort, I just didn't want to go through what I went through in 1994." "I was just going to say one thing about the 30th anniversary of the OJ Simpson 'trial of the century!'" "You would think the 'trial of the century' would've been the Nuremberg trials!"

"I love the way you make me rethink my commitment to family values."

Marry one wife, get another one free - 'It's our new incentive for marriage.'

You Must Be This Tall - To Have An Opinion

It's time again for my 'State-of-the-family' address.

'What kinda nuts are we, Dad, rightwing or left?'

"Your sobrino sure sounds happy...all because he kissed a girl?"

'As an atheist, are you not even a little worried about suffering God's wrath?'

"They were, sitting around the dinner table, knocking off a bottle of Côtes-du-Rhône and blathering about the Middle East – you've never heard such shallow, simplistic reasoning in your life – and one of them turns to me and says, "And what do you think, Barney? What do you think we should do?' and all I could come up with was 'Woof'. I felt like such an ass."

"Your bible says disobedient children should be stoned to death. Won't you agree that capital punishment is an improper parenting technique?"

"The willful suspension of logic and reason...that's the problem with the world today!"

"Baldo, a young man like you might have a lot of questions...about feelings, emotions...not knowing what is right and wrong. Remember, mi'jo...I'm here if you need me."

"Dad, how much does it cost to get married?" "I don't know, son. But it's less than a divorce."

"When I was your age, I was fifteen."

'My parents had the decency to die at the right age!'

"Must you tell us what our daily share of the national debt is every time we sit down to dinner?"

"So, it's back to school! I remember when I was your age."

'I understand all about sex, Dad...But what good is it?'