Family Discussions Gifts

'No, you can't turn your vegetables into bio-fuel.'

"So, it's back to school! I remember when I was your age."

"We're giving her my name and his name, but we're not going to hyphenate."

"Must you tell us what our daily share of the national debt is every time we sit down to dinner?"

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

'My parents had the decency to die at the right age!'

'To our grandchildren, parental control means they have to monitor what kind of programs we watch.'

It's time again for my 'State-of-the-family' address.

"So which bit do you think was 'nature' and which 'nurture'?"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"Keep my fingers crossed! Is that it?"

"When I grow up, I want to impeach a president."

"...some of these tadpoles may not be yours."

"Who had pink eyes, long ears, a cute little cotton tail and brings baskets of eggs on Easter morning?"

"Nonsense - we're far less religious than you are."

"Although the estate will be distributed equally, your father wanted you all to know that Keith was his favorite, followed by..."

'All those in favor of getting a canary?'

'I'm running away from home.'

"One day, assuming that I don't flip out and massacre everyone down at the mortgage bank that's foreclosing on us, all this will be yours."

'Well, dear, if we did start a family, we could have tech support in 10 years.'

Teddy, do you know why I'm here? Want to, umm, ask me anything? So! That wraps it up! How did your "birds and bees" talk go? I answered all his questions.

"Jack and Nina's concern grew when their son, James, confided in them that his imaginary friend was, in fact, a short-tempered snapping turtle."

"Daddy, which group of economists did you support during the recession?"

'You should have used contraceptives -- I'm afraid your lucky socks didn't work.'

"Mommy and Daddy are arguing again."

"Your sobrino sure sounds happy...all because he kissed a girl?"

'What kinda nuts are we, Dad, rightwing or left?'

"I have a healthy skepticism of what's reported to me as 'fact'."

"I won't have kids until gay men are able to give birth in every state."

'Mom, did I come preassembled or did you and dad have to put me together?'

"Michael, you can’t be a ‘stay-at-home dad’ if we don’t have children!"

"Baldo, a young man like you might have a lot of questions...about feelings, emotions...not knowing what is right and wrong. Remember, mi'jo...I'm here if you need me."

"Dad, how much does it cost to get married?" "I don't know, son. But it's less than a divorce."

"When I was your age, I was fifteen."