Post-divorce Adventures Gifts

"I swear, the only decent men around here are either married...or gay...or they're one of my ex-husbands!"

Marriage least expected to last...

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

It went even worse than I expected - She got custody of the kids and me.

'It'll get better, Vinny - my marriages always have a bad first quarter.'

"I learned how to pack small. I bought Brad a big suitcase."

"It was very amicable—I gave her everything."

'I tried to feeding on demand - it led to divorce on demand.'

"I see a lot of Don Juan Complexes, but you're the first Don Knotts Complex I've come across."

"Then one day he said, 'It's either me or the damned cat!'"

"I feel like Brunnhilde, but in 'The Kentucky Cycle.'"

...thirty-nine years young, recent divorcee, lifestyle includes a canine leitmotif....

'I feel sorry for you single people. Nobody to go home to fight with.'

'My date last night reminded me of my ex-husband - turns out that's who he was!'

'I've been living out of a tin since my wife left me.'

'No, Irma, consummating out marriage doesn't mear hearing up your mother's chicken soup!'

"I found myself in a strange place after my divorce - I think it was the kitchen."

"It's through our attorneys, but at least we're talking."

'Under the terms of my divorce I have to wear it for a full year.'

"As part of the settlement she's asking for the two cars, the house, the cabin and one of your testicles. The other, of course, will be applied toward my fee."

"That's cool. My parents never fight over me."

'All my friends are divorced, and I'm not even married.'

'Computer dating? I want my money back. You fixed me up with my first wife.'

"I hope you don't mind. I used the same recipe that made me crazy enough to marry my first wife."

"Please bear with me. I'm only recently back on the singles scene."

Erica hated it when her ex tried to upstage her when he picked up the kids.

"I was an incurable romantic until I met Martha's divorce lawyer."

'Leave Doug alone for awhile Karen, he's very upset. His ex-wife just won sole custody of his inner child.'

"You haven't asked me how the divorce went, Lew."

Ex-Lover's Leap.

"Hi, I just got divorced, would you like a free tote and mug?"

"She took the house, the money, the Mercedes, and the Rottweiler. Then she took a hammer and busted the still."

'I'm serious. If you crave more action, try age-appropriate dating. Sexy women 50 to 75 are an under-served demographic.'

"Mind if we pick up my ex-wife on the way?"