Recent Divorcee Gifts

...thirty-nine years young, recent divorcee, lifestyle includes a canine leitmotif....

Marriage least expected to last...

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

'I haven't done anything. My ex-wife had those posters printed.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'It'll get better, Vinny - my marriages always have a bad first quarter.'

"Can't you just say 'bippity boppity boo' and make all these messy divorce negotiations turn into pumpkins or something?"

'These anti-depressants aren't for swallowing, sir, they're for throwing at your ex-wife.'

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

'Don't hate me just because I hate you.'

'Your 'ex' seems to be doing well.'

"We've done volcano and twister. We need another movie about a natural disaster and my first marriage came to mind."

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

"I don't believe it. That's my ex-wife."

"You can scatter my remains at my ex-wife's apartment."

"... and to my husband I leave f*** all!"

"I see a lot of Don Juan Complexes, but you're the first Don Knotts Complex I've come across."

"IF you wanted to leave, why didn't you just say so?"

'I tried to feeding on demand - it led to divorce on demand.'

Staying Single Explained.

'I'll relinquish most of my visitation rights if you'll just let Katie come over once in awhile to program my appliances.'

"How sweet...Our first divorce! I'm so glad we got to share this special moment together."

'No, it's not number four either, but he does look like my ex-husband. Yeah, let's go with number four.'

"Nobody ever talks about how when you marry a human at 16, you might divorce by 30 and have to move back to the sea."

'I feel sorry for you single people. Nobody to go home to fight with.'

"Lover’s leap" "Wife toss"

As part of the divorce settlement, Bob takes over his ex-wife's small business.

'Since they divorced I'm living with my mom, but every other weekend my dad is entitled to take me for a walk.'

Betty's Ex, Ray, Glasses.

Divorcees Club - The Joy of Ex.

'I've had a series of unfortunate marriages.'

"She said she needed more space, so she left me!"