Newly Divorced Gifts

'Computer dating? I want my money back. You fixed me up with my first wife.'

Marriage least expected to last...

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

'It'll get better, Vinny - my marriages always have a bad first quarter.'

"I don't believe it. That's my ex-wife."

Birthdays were always better at Mom's.

"I see a lot of Don Juan Complexes, but you're the first Don Knotts Complex I've come across."

"... and to my husband I leave f*** all!"

'I'll relinquish most of my visitation rights if you'll just let Katie come over once in awhile to program my appliances.'

'I tried to feeding on demand - it led to divorce on demand.'

A single man can be seen through the front window of the "ME Only Restaurant".

"How sweet...Our first divorce! I'm so glad we got to share this special moment together."

...thirty-nine years young, recent divorcee, lifestyle includes a canine leitmotif....

'I feel sorry for you single people. Nobody to go home to fight with.'

"Lover’s leap" "Wife toss"

Lawyer: 'She got the house, he got the money, and somehow, I ended up with the kid.'

'I've been living out of a tin since my wife left me.'

"She’s getting the house and cars, but you get to retain all your unique streaming services passwords."

"Actually, I'm not long back on the dating scene myself."

"It was ugly, she got custody of the tin cans, chewed tyre and the rusty bike pump... And I got the kids!"

'My date last night reminded me of my ex-husband - turns out that's who he was!'

Betty's Ex, Ray, Glasses.

"Separate clouds, please."

A man in an armchair is being carried away by rubbish removers, as his wife waves him off.

Divorcees Club - The Joy of Ex.

"It's through our attorneys, but at least we're talking."

'I can't ta;l now, you moron. Your alimony check is in the mail!'

'You again? -- what went wrong this time?'

"That reminds me- how's your mother?"

'I'm leaving you. As a couple I feel like we have too many tissues.'

'I'm sorry, but it's strictly against my policy to hire a former husband.'

"I hope you don't mind. I used the same recipe that made me crazy enough to marry my first wife."

"As per the terms of my divorce, my ex-wife will conduct the final movement."

'All my friends are divorced, and I'm not even married.'